when I was a movie star an asteroid had hit the earth

I’m glad it’s Friday. The past 2 days have been rough ones, and the release of knowing I only have to work a short shift tomorrow and then get to chill out the rest of the day is a welcome blessing in my life. Wednesday night I found it impossible to sleep, thanks to the freezing temperatures in my basement and the unending tide of turmoil (ooh, alliteration!) inside of my skinny belly. I could feel a large bubble of something scary resting just north of my stomach, but refusing to move anywhere; that is, until about 4 am. I had resigned to the couch upstairs for the warmth, when the contents of my tumbly made loudly know their intentions to exit me in a violent, explosive manner. Sadly, I was not as fast as I would have liked to be, so at about 4:15 I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the carpet in my bedroom. Yes, my bedroom floor is exactly as far as I made it before…explosion. (Unrelated side question: why is it our instinct to try and catch with our hands? We know it won’t help anything; in fact, it just causes more of a spray and makes matters much worse.) My fever kicked in soon thereafter, so I’ve spent the last 2 days dealing with a sudden, angry flu attack. However, it has given me some good time to play Zelda and start vamping up the ol’ resume (reh-zoo-may,) so that I can find some gainful employment for a change. Is your company hiring Inventory Management? Because I have one awesome resume demonstrating my ability to do just that.